Who am I?

I have just started a new therapy and this was one of the first questions I was asked.  I could tell you who I used to be. I used to be a successful business women, I used to be a good friend, I was a daughter, granddaughter, aunt, godmother, wife, occasional lover, sister in law, daughter in law, work colleague and ME! Confident, self assured, financially independent, out going, organized, independent and ME!

During the adoption process I feel that I have lost me, who I am and who I was.

In the early days I really did not know who I was, didn’t know how to be a mum, didn’t know how my relationship with Mr Football was going to change, the relationship with my mother, friends, work colleagues and school mums.  I had to build a relationship with spud that was not easy.  Not easy when I didn’t know who I was, I totally lost who I was.  I became “spuds mum” in the playground when parents finally spoke to me but I didn’t know that person. I suddenly felt I had lost my mother – daughter relationship as I was now a mum and my mum changed as she became a grandmother.  I lost work colleagues and status as I was no longer in work, I lost confidence as I didn’t know who I was.  My relationship with Mr Football changed, he became a dad, we became a family.  I was no longer financially independent, no longer a good friend as I had needs that I needed to be met. I was not out going, didn’t know my role or my own mind.

I became a cleaner, housekeeper, diary organizer, laundry person, taxi service, entertainer, peace envoy, circus tightrope walker, cook, washer upper, person who was asked where everything was from the odd sock to the blue piece of lego. Party planner, school adviser, appointment booker, play date instigator but none of this was the old me.

It has taken time for me to find me again, a new me, a different me, a me that is starting to get her confidence back, who is starting to feel like she knows what the role of a mum is like, who is starting to like me again. Still not completely there and I doubt I will ever be there as I will be changing.  I have started to understand me and me in relation to my mum, my friends and Mr Football.

I feel comfortable being spuds mum, I feel better at knowing who I am. I don’t always get it right or know what I am doing but I know that is OK.

So who are you?  I am proud to now say I am spuds mum 🙂

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10 thoughts on “Who am I?

  1. I really relate to this, I’ve been so unsure of myself for quite a while. I also recently undertook some new therapy, which has helped me to regain my confidence and see the positives in myself again. Being an adoptive parent is so very consuming and exhausting that there is little time left for you as a person, at the end of it all. However, I now realise the value for all my family, not just me, in me finding space for me.Like you, I’ve changed a lot from the person I was before and it has taken time to accept that. I finally am starting to feel like I’m embracing my new self and looking forward to what the new me can achieve. I hope you can too. I love that you say you are “proud” because you really should be, you’ve achieved so much already. x

    Thanks for sharing on The Weekly Adoption Shout Out.

    1. Thank you very much for your comment. Good to know that others have been through this and come out the other side 🙂
      During the process you concentrate so much on the child that I think they forget about the changes you go through. Thank you for the tweets as well.

  2. I have chosen to be a full-time ‘professional mum’, but even so, I sometimes experience exactly what you’re saying here. Thankfully, many of my friends have young children too, but I do wonder what will happen when their children grow up and my only topic of conversation is still child-related! I also fondly remember a time when I was respected and my opinions were listened to because of my previous profession, whereas I’m quickly discovering that a mum’s viewpoint on anything is pretty much at the bottom of the pile!

  3. This is a great post as we’re starting Stage 2 going to panel in June the reality of my current life (exactly as you describe yours was) changing is dawning. Your post gave me a great opportunity to talk to my husband about how I’m feeling. I’m totally scared as sadly my career has given me an identity and self esteem over the years. This will be one of my big challenges to overcome.
    I get the feeling that I’ll not have much time to think about this though thankfully.
    Thanks for helping prompt our discussion and letting me know that it will be ok but may take time…and a bit of therapy. X

    1. Thank you so much for your comments, I really appreciate the feedback. The journey has been hard but it does get easier – I promise! I wish I had fully understood the changes that were going to happen, if I am totally honest, I think I was far too caught up in the feeling I was going to me a mum rather than how my life was going to be. Good luck with stage 2′ I look forward to reading about your journey.

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