I have just started a new therapy and this was one of the first questions I was asked. I could tell you who I used to be. I used to be a successful business women, I used to be a good friend, I was a daughter, granddaughter, aunt, godmother, wife, occasional lover, sister in law, daughter in law, work colleague and ME! Confident, self assured, financially independent, out going, organized, independent and ME!
During the adoption process I feel that I have lost me, who I am and who I was.
In the early days I really did not know who I was, didn’t know how to be a mum, didn’t know how my relationship with Mr Football was going to change, the relationship with my mother, friends, work colleagues and school mums. I had to build a relationship with spud that was not easy. Not easy when I didn’t know who I was, I totally lost who I was. I became “spuds mum” in the playground when parents finally spoke to me but I didn’t know that person. I suddenly felt I had lost my mother – daughter relationship as I was now a mum and my mum changed as she became a grandmother. I lost work colleagues and status as I was no longer in work, I lost confidence as I didn’t know who I was. My relationship with Mr Football changed, he became a dad, we became a family. I was no longer financially independent, no longer a good friend as I had needs that I needed to be met. I was not out going, didn’t know my role or my own mind.
I became a cleaner, housekeeper, diary organizer, laundry person, taxi service, entertainer, peace envoy, circus tightrope walker, cook, washer upper, person who was asked where everything was from the odd sock to the blue piece of lego. Party planner, school adviser, appointment booker, play date instigator but none of this was the old me.
It has taken time for me to find me again, a new me, a different me, a me that is starting to get her confidence back, who is starting to feel like she knows what the role of a mum is like, who is starting to like me again. Still not completely there and I doubt I will ever be there as I will be changing. I have started to understand me and me in relation to my mum, my friends and Mr Football.
I feel comfortable being spuds mum, I feel better at knowing who I am. I don’t always get it right or know what I am doing but I know that is OK.
So who are you? I am proud to now say I am spuds mum 🙂