Monthly Archives: June 2014

Change

When spud first came home we were very careful to keep everything the same. Meals, walks to the same park, clothes, routine etc. we worked very hard to ensure there were no surprises, shocks and to protect him as much as we could from unexpected situations. We made sure that we planned as much as we could, talked about the future and were very boring and predictable in day to today life.
I know that I tried to protect Spud too much, I would do all I could to make sure I and others did what they said they were going to do, turned up on time, kept to the “rules” and didn’t let Spud down.
At home when the boiler needed replacing, I planned the day with military planning so Spud was not effected. The fire in our front room did not work but we left it there so Spud did not have the change to deal with.
I was always concerned that putting Spud into this bubble where I controlled everything would not help in the long run as life is just not like that.
We are now 3.5 years I and I am trying my best to “relax” a bit more. Accept it when things do not go to plan and try to go with the flow a bit more. Of course this is not easy and Spud will blame me if the weather is not what he expected or the friend who said he would be here at 4pm does not turn up until 4.30pm but together we are learning to work with change.
We started with small changes, a new bed and duvet cover were chosen by Spud only a couple of months ago. Each time I raised the subject I was met with a resounding NO! This was a big step forward.
Last month I had all my hair chopped and that was a big change. He coped with the change.
I have wanted to decorate the house but knew that Spud with not cope with the decorators being in the house, the routine having to be changed or the different end result. Over the past 2 weeks we have had the house decorated, it has not been easy and they and the mess are still here but the end is in sight. Spud has had a few wobbles and 9 days in he and I are ready for the decorators to leave but he has coped. I am very proud of how he has dealt with the changes and how he has told me how difficult he is finding it.
I am so proud of how he has gone with the flow and managed the changes.
I think for the next few months, no more changes as he has the end if the school year, the sumner holidays and a new school year to deal with.

So, how go you cope with change?

The things we say

I was reminded today by my mum that I had always said I would have a football free house. She very kindly reminded me of this fact whilst I was standing on the sideline, soaking wet 3 hours into, what turned out to be, an 11.5 hour football tournament. At that moment I was very pleased she was telling me this via the telephone and not in person!

I always remember saying that I would always know who was number 1 in the charts, in fact I have no idea and haven’t for at least 20 years. ¬†When did they stop showing top of the pops on BBC1? How old do I feel when I am able to sing along to a “latest” song on Spuds playlist as it is a cover of a song I grew up with.

I had so many ideas on what being a mum would be like and the rules I would have such as not giving in, making sure my child always did homework, not laying with them for hours while they went off to sleep …..

Over the last 3 years many of my thoughts have changed to meet the needs of Spud. My dad likes nothing better than being able to say “oh! And you always said any child of yours would …..” Or when going through a different spell with Spud saying “we had 3 of you to bring up”. Of course none of us were adopted or suffered the early trauma than Spud has. None of this seems to cut any ice with my dad.

I have also found myself saying phases I swore I would not use as my mum had with me. Phrases such as “if you fall out if that tree and break both your legs, don’t come running to me” or “if you keep pulling that face it will stay like it if the wind changes.”

Then there are the everyday sayings such as “will you please listen?”. “Hurry up and clean your teeth and yes, you do have to use toothpaste”. “Tea is ready” x 20 times.

I used to say that I would not turn out to be like my mum, now I wish I was more like her.

So, what things do you say?