Change

When spud first came home we were very careful to keep everything the same. Meals, walks to the same park, clothes, routine etc. we worked very hard to ensure there were no surprises, shocks and to protect him as much as we could from unexpected situations. We made sure that we planned as much as we could, talked about the future and were very boring and predictable in day to today life.
I know that I tried to protect Spud too much, I would do all I could to make sure I and others did what they said they were going to do, turned up on time, kept to the “rules” and didn’t let Spud down.
At home when the boiler needed replacing, I planned the day with military planning so Spud was not effected. The fire in our front room did not work but we left it there so Spud did not have the change to deal with.
I was always concerned that putting Spud into this bubble where I controlled everything would not help in the long run as life is just not like that.
We are now 3.5 years I and I am trying my best to “relax” a bit more. Accept it when things do not go to plan and try to go with the flow a bit more. Of course this is not easy and Spud will blame me if the weather is not what he expected or the friend who said he would be here at 4pm does not turn up until 4.30pm but together we are learning to work with change.
We started with small changes, a new bed and duvet cover were chosen by Spud only a couple of months ago. Each time I raised the subject I was met with a resounding NO! This was a big step forward.
Last month I had all my hair chopped and that was a big change. He coped with the change.
I have wanted to decorate the house but knew that Spud with not cope with the decorators being in the house, the routine having to be changed or the different end result. Over the past 2 weeks we have had the house decorated, it has not been easy and they and the mess are still here but the end is in sight. Spud has had a few wobbles and 9 days in he and I are ready for the decorators to leave but he has coped. I am very proud of how he has dealt with the changes and how he has told me how difficult he is finding it.
I am so proud of how he has gone with the flow and managed the changes.
I think for the next few months, no more changes as he has the end if the school year, the sumner holidays and a new school year to deal with.

So, how go you cope with change?

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5 thoughts on “Change

  1. Change is a difficult one isn’t it. We used to not tell Mini of changes until the last minute, worried that too much notice would give him time to dwell and worry. Now, we talk as soon as we can, giving him time to digest it and ask questions.

    School particularly was a massive concern and he couldn’t cope well with changes there, but we moved to a different school and he’s much more settled. He has better friendships, is generally happier and is better able to cope with the last minute changes now.

    Great post, thanks for linking to #WASO Vx

  2. All sounds so familiar, although we haven’t maintained things so much as you, the house has been extended, bedding often changed etc but our routine is something we’ve rigorously stuck too, we eat at the same places when we’re out, sit in the same seats at our dinning table, drive the same route to places, have the same daily routines, eat the same selection of foods, visit the same parks/castles etc we’re 4yrs in and I’m desperate to relax things but I’m met with resistance every time I try :/ i’ll keep trying 🙂

    1. Thank you both for your comments. Trying to get the balance between routine, change and trying to prepare them for the future is such a hard balance. We eat still the same places, sit in the same seats, take the same routes ….. I have washed spuds bedding it was resistance to new covers – promise! 🙂

  3. I’m afraid change is a constant feature in our lives with foster children coming and going and all the arrangements around that. OB manages it quite well, but some things I keep very tight – like bedtimes, for instance. He’s only been put to bed by someone other than me a very few times (less than ten) since I’ve had him, and most of those other times it was my Mum. I only have three different people who babysit, and it’s always the same one for evenings in case he wakes up. We live a very restricted life in many ways.

    1. Having different foster children must be really difficult. We have a very strict routine for bedtime and although the time spud goes to be has got later the older he gets, the routine has not changed from day one. I need to find a babysitter as really don’t like asking my mum too much (every few months). Thank you for your comment.

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