“Help and support……..”

When I blog I try to blog positives even if it is a difficult subject. This blog I feel is going to be differnt! 

I adopted Spud as an older child 5 years ago. The journey has not been easy and could be described as “challenging” or, as I prefer “bloody hard work.” 

In the last 9 months  Spud started at secondary school and that was a very difficult transition. Just as I felt things were slowly starting to settle, Birth mum dies. This has caused the last few months to be vey hard for everyone. I asked for help as I felt Spud needed more life story work. Not only are the teenage years here but with the death of birth mum it was time for more support. 1st assessment of need was not worth the paper it was written on. Second assessment of need was better, or so I thought. I have not signed the second assessment of need but it was sent off to ASF. 

Various suggestions were made for support including 2 weekends of activity type respite so I could recharge my batteries while Spud had a good weekend away. Meeting arranged with the short breaks worker and then a leaflet is emailed to me to share with Spud. 

The aim of the weekend is to “prevent families breaking down.” WHAT? Who said our family was breaking down? How can I share this leaflet with Spud? He has had one placement that broke down before us!  WHO thinks this is a good idea to have the aim for the weekend around disoruptions? I can totally understand how for some families this is right and for the young people to have support and sessions around possible breakdowns but for a family not at risk and for a child who has been through one breakdown? Not on your life and I letting him go on this weekend. It would set us back 5 years, how would he trust us? 

HOW can professional who know our story think this is ok? I spoke to our PASW who suggested I spoke to the worker running the weekend. I did speak to her and she confirmed the weekend are for families at risk of breaking down and distrupting and this was why we had been referred.

I have either been totally misunderstood or our needs have been pigeon holed to meet a service that is available? I fear it is a bit of both. 

At this moment in time I feel –

Let down, hurt, angry, fearful of why we are seen at risk of breakdown, disgusted with professional that should be there to help, ready to cry, scream and shout and fiercely protective of my son and my family. So much so I have said I do not want to engage with any of their services. We have an assessment with an agency in a couple of months. It is over an hours drive away. When I raised this as a concern  I was told that others had raised it as well and it was not right, so why make the referral to them? 

Is this a sign of over worked/overstretched social workers?  A total lack of understanding of the real issues as text books can only teach someone so much? A case of making families fit into services available? Or a mix of it all? 

It maybe an over reaction from me but when you ask for help,you expect to get help and not be left in a state and not sure which way is up!!!!! Social workers ask why adopters do not ask for h LO and this is the reason why! The last few months I have cried so much I don’t think I have many tears left. The majority of my tears come from frustration with professions that are paid to understand and help. How can post adoption cause so much stress when we just need some help? 

Tonight is another sleepless night caused by the very people that say they will help ………


4 thoughts on ““Help and support……..”

  1. It’s a pigeonhole. We’re in the same situation; in order for us to get approved for respite services with trained professionals (so that I can be sure our kids are properly taken care of while we’re gone) we have to participate in a program geared to prevent disruption. We’re nowhere near that (partly thanks to a healthy belief in getting away for a weekend every six months or so), but it’s the only option. Toss the pamphlet, and maybe have a conversation with your son explaining that you both need a bit of vacation and you’re so excited to see him when you return. Not sure that solves the problem, but might help.

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