So as National Adoption week with the sub header – Support, comes to a close, I find myself typing this blog.
We adopted nearly 6 years ago. I feel that the prep training we had was so much better than it is now. However the post adoption support maybe better now. I remember the very early days of adopting and trying EVERYTHING to get the support we so desperately needed. I resorted to sitting the the reception in the main Council offices of my LA refusing to move until someone helped us. We did get support but should it really have come to that?
The ASF was like a present from Father Christmas. It came with promises, hope and a way for us to get support all wrapped up in a big bow. Of course between us and the support we had to run a marathon, high jump some hurdles and wait, and wait and wait a bit longer but the support came. Last week we are told that Father Christmas is not real and his Elves can only allow a maximum amount of support per child. I think I understand some of the reasons but does not mean I agree with them.
Over the past 5 or so years I have found an inner strength to fight for my child and my family. It has come at a cost as I feel I am not able to be the parent I wanted to be. The fight for support takes so much time, energy and reliance that I seem to have little left to be a parent. This week I left my very part time, very flexiable job as I felt I could no longer carry on not giving 100% to either Spud or work.
School has been my biggest fight to date. EHCP that was rejected, TAF that no one was invited to, meetings where “managed move” was discussed without any warning or preparation to name just a bit of my week. Ironic as it was National Adoption Week – Support this week! Trying to help education understand our children. How the language they use impacts our children and us as a family seems an impossible task for me.
No my child does not “chose” to ignore you but is has disassociated. Yes he does find change difficult and no “it is not on purpose he is unable to cope in class with an unknown teacher.” No my child is not “just naughty” or “have bad behaviour.”
I guess it is very difficult when you have a class of 30 children to change the way you work to help that 1 child but is it really so difficult to acknowledge him when he walks into class rather than have 10 minutes of him up and down in his chair trying to get your attention?
Earlier in the week I attended training on how you can help your SEN adopted child, what support is available and what reasonable adjustments could be. That was run by adopters who work in education. Thank goodness I had thatntraining as it gave me information I needed to cope with the rest of the meetings that week.
This week the support has come from amazing friends and my family plus the post adoption social worker. Without the support from twitter friends as well I think we would be in a diffent place now.
I don’t know what the next few weeks are going to bring, I expect them to be full of meetings, heartache, tears and difficult decisions but know support for us if there for which I am forever grateful.
If there was one thing I wish I could change about the support is the ability to access it in a timely manner, when we need it not when it can be provided.
Without some of the struggles I know I would not have received the amazing support I have and I am very thankful for that! .