Through our home study we had the time and questions to reflect on our childhood, how our parents brought us up and the relationship we have with them now. I enjoyed being able to look back and it really helped me to see how great my mum was and the childhood she gave us. My dad worked away and she had 3 of us to raise. At the time I think you just take your parents for granted and never really have the chance to look back or understand the difficulties they faced.
We have a great relationship now which has definitely grown, changed and deepened since I become a mum. I have a much greater respect for my mum and at times, in awe of how she juggled the 3 of us, worked part time and was mostly a single mum. She didn’t drive or have home shopping like we do today.
It got me thinking that at no point during our journey to adoption did I ever ask my parents if they wanted or how they felt about becoming grandparents to an adopted child. I never stopped to think was this what they wanted? What they understood or the impact on them. I was just caught up in the bubble of adoption and was focused on approval and then finding our child – spud. They have been fantastic and treat spud the same as their other grandchildren as does most of my family. I have been very selfish in my desire to be a mum and have a family, that I never looked at the impact on my parents and the rest of the family.
They do try their best to understand but if I had a pound for every time my dad said “don’t forget, we had 3 of you to deal with” or “every child does that” I would be very rich and could give up work!
The impact on my parents becoming grandparents to spud has been huge. They have seen the difficulties, had their daughter crying down the phone in sheer frustration, seen the bruises caused by spud. They have supported, brought chocolate and listened. They have not always agrees with the decisions I have made or the way I parent spud but they stay strong and give me unwavering support at all times.
So to all the grandparents of adopted children, thank you. I hope in 20 years time to be an amazing grandmother to my grandchildren.